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What The Conspiracy?!

The Real Fake News

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donald trump

What the Conspiracy?! Is THE Conspiracy

 

What is real? For real though?

Could this website, What the Conspiracy?!, a website dedicated to exposing the TRUTH about our society and all of the FAKE NEWS in it, actually be THE FAKE NEWS?

In a recent turn of events the founder of What the Conspiracy is seriously starting to question if all of the thoughts, research, and discoveries on this website have actually just been made up the entire time.

Even though there have been hours upon hours of investigations and brain power that has gone into the discovery of such things like The Cloud Industrial Complex (which we are no longer allowed to discuss), political conspiracy theories like the government shut down just existing as a distraction from the truth and United States of America current President Donald Trump’s hair actually being an alien all on its own, as well as holiday conspiracy theories such as Valentine’s Day being an invention of Big Pharma, no one here is really sure anymore what’s real and what’s not real.

What is real? What the Conspiracy knows that conspiracies are really just opinions that have not been made popular yet. The Flat Earthers are popular enough by this point in time for these people to claim that to them the earth is indeed flat and for the rest of us to suggest they all go walk off the edge of it. The Illuminati is popular enough that Google always knows when we spell it wrong and automatically corrects it. It’s probably the Illuminati that runs google anyway. That’s a conspiracy theory that the staff at What the Conspiracy has yet to look into, but probably should except the staff at What the Conspiracy is going through a sort of existential crisis and no one here knows who they are anymore.

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Could the staff at What the Conspiracy have been brainwashed by some sort of powerful alien species. Perhaps these aliens came in and whispered “self-doubt” into the What the Conspiracy staff members ears and now everyone here is confused and can’t tell the TRUTH from the LIES.

We have already had our run-ins with conspiracy theory issues in the past. Like the time when the founder of What the Conspiracy was abducted for almost an entire year by members of the Cloud Industrial Complex and thrown into that tornado only to make it out with a warning never to discuss the true facts about the clouds, the water, the ice and everything connected to it all every again. We’re technically not even supposed to write “The Cloud Industrial Complex,” on this website anymore, but since we’re not actually writing about what they do and we’re not even saying they exist (even though they clearly do, considering) and we really are just writing the words, ‘The Cloud Industrial Complex,’ we really do not think anyone at What the Conspiracy will get hurt again.

Unless this is all just a set up by whichever alien species came into our office and brainwashed us into writing this article about What the Conspiracy not even being real.

The truth of the matter is that there is no ‘office,’ and the ‘we’ that ‘we’ always speak of here at What the Conspiracy is just one person. A woman if you can believe that. With boobs and everything. Though one time a guy (with very nice arms, mind you) did help her discover the Tom Brady / inner earth alien conspiracy because the woman with boobs doesn’t really follow football or sports of any kind.

Yet, she did look into it more and it seemed legit. Now though, she’s questioning if maybe the guy with very nice arms was distracting her with his nice arms in order to pull one over on her and Tom Brady isn’t an inner earth alien at all but just a dude-bro with ugly shoes.

Regardless of what is real and what is fake, what is a conspiracy theory and what is a factual theory. Regardless of whether this is a one woman-two boob show or if there is an entire team of freaks and weirdos here, What the Conspiracy will always work to learn more and to tell you all about that it finds even if what it finds could damage its own image, name, brand. Because What the Conspiracy is here. And it’s all we, she, whomever really knows how to do.

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Conspiracy Revealed: Groundhog Day No Longer Using Real Groundhogs to Determine Weather

Since the 1800s, Groundhog Day has been a North American tradition. Every year on February 2 a Groundhog comes out of its hole after a long winter sleep and looks for its shadow. If the groundhog sees its shadow it decides to return to its nice comfortable bed for the next six weeks because winter isn’t quite over; if it doesn’t see its shadow that means spring is on the way and it’s time to get out of bed and experience the beauty of the natural world.

But, a recent conspiracy theory suggests that for the past year, ever since President (and Illuminati member) Donald Trump was elected office, the groundhogs have been experiencing major to severe clinical depression.

Though the groundhogs know they’re supposed to get out of their hole, all of them have elected to just pass by the entire year and stay deep in their dark holes aka in their beds regardless of whether spring comes or not.

Conspiracy theorists are suggesting that if you’re at one of the hundreds of Groundhog Day celebrations across the country, whether it’s the largest Groundhog Day celebration held in Punxsutawney, Pennsylvania, where crowds as large as 40,000 gather each year or one of the smaller small town Groundhog day events, those groundhogs you see are not real.

That’s right. The groundhog that you see, is no groundhog at all.

Since all the groundhogs are too depressed to get out of their holes to see if it’s winter or spring, as it doesn’t matter to them whether it’s winter or spring because life sucks anyway, the groundhogs you’re seeing either in real life or on the mainstream media are in fact either robot groundhogs or burrower alien shape-shifter groundhogs.

These fake groundhogs only exist because the mainstream media doesn’t want the human population of people to get depressed over the fact that all the groundhogs are clinically depressed because that would cause way too much depression–and there isn’t enough Prozac in the world to go around (big Pharm may disagree, but that’s another theory for another day).

And so, hundreds of robot groundhogs have been built and where the robots can’t go the burrower alien shape-shifters shapeshift into groundhogs to take their place for the day–all in an attempt to cover-up the major groundhog depression plaguing the planet and allow humans to carry on–whether it’s 6 more weeks of winter or not.

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