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What The Conspiracy?!

The Real Fake News

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conspiracy

Santa Claus, Big Brother, & You

The Santa Claus Myth is Your Reality

We all love that jolly man in the red suit, the one who, once a year sneaks into our house to leave us presents and eat all of our cookies. He’s just the best right?

Ho, ho, no.

santaclausbigbro

We teach our children about this myth and then, at some point, youthful innocence is corrupted and we’re turned into non-believers.

But, the truth is Santa is REAL.

Maybe not via the original story line, but he’s definitely real in real life. According the the latest conspiracy theory, Santa Claus is actually Big Brother.

Think about it.

  1. He sees you when you’re sleeping.
  2. He knows when you’re awake.
  3. He knows when you’ve been bad or good.

Santa Claus has been monitoring us for decades.

Not only that, but there are hundreds of them at malls and shopping centers across the world, spying on your purchases, spying on who you are at your core. Sure, there may not be one patriarchal all-knowing all-seeing Santa Claus, but there are thousands of individuals ones who are working for “the man,” “the man” being the people in charge of keeping us simple consumers.

What does it mean to be bad these days anyway? To not buy, buy, buy, perhaps. (could N’sync’s song actually be about consumerism and not telling someone to go away!?!)

It’s silly to not believe in Santa Claus who is in reality Big Brother, who could in fact just be marketers trying to cookie you and overwhelm your social media with ads so you give them your money and then have no money and thus can no longer do the things you really want to do. Continuing to help you hinder your own passions and forgo your dreams.

You could be your own Santa Claus.

I mean, aren’t you the one really eating those cookies anyway?

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How Fake is Fake News?

Are you getting duped on the daily?!

There’s a lot of hoopla happening lately about the internet running rampant with fake news.

Facebook is supposedly going to start dividing fake news from the real news so people can tell the difference.

What’s real? What’s fake?!

Without the help of social media policing everything for us, how would we even know how to think for ourselves?!

But, we all need to take a moment to truly analyze our surrounding news situation. Could fake news stories actually be real and  “real” news stories actually be fake? What the conspiracy?!

Let’s examine some of the top “real” stories of 2016.

  • Prince “died” of an accidental drug overdose.
  • Trump will become “the next president” of the United States of America.
  • Kanye West was hospitalized because of “exhaustion” and Kim is “miserable” in their relationship and they’re going to get a “divorce”.
  • “Fake” news stories are “RUINING” the universe and everyone who exists in it.

Now, let’s take a look at some common “fake” news stories.

  • Prince William is a Lizard Nazi. When Prince Harry got in all that mess on Halloween a few years ago he was actually borrowing his brother’s uniform. There’s also speculation that Kate is part of the Tall Whites (she dyes her hair, people!) and their child is a hybrid Lizard Nazi Tall White.
  • Butt-loving Tina from Bob’s Burgers is actually a 40-year-old dude trapped in a tween girl’s body.
  • Big Foot is real and roaming around western Colorado looking for someone to start making larger sized shoes.

Those last three seem way more legit to me.

So, what’s the deal? Can we ever really know what the truth is? Or is it all just a bunch of fakeness? Unless we see it with out own two eyes can we know that it really happened? And even if we see it with our two eyes, how can we trust our own eyes?! What if it’s just our brains tricking us into thinking we see something that’s not actually there. Maybe our brains our conspiring against us just to help keep us alive longer. And why would our brains want us to be alive longer?! What’s even the point?!

just-jump-already

Just jump already.

Windshield Wiping Sadists

More from the Cloud Industrial Complex

After my first video came out regarding the Cloud Industrial Complex I was contacted by a person who prefers to remain anonymous, this person has confirmed that windshield wiper manufacturers do indeed design the driver’s side wiper to have a slight malfunction in order to smear right in front of the driver’s line of vision.

This anonymous source said:

Of course there’s the profit increase the companies gain, but the main motivation behind this gross and disturbing malfunction is that the people in charge are all sadists.

My source continued to explain that these sadists get their pleasure by inflicting frustration, irritation, and anxiety onto others. And most of all, they enjoy making the roads less safe for travelers.

Though my source was pretty nervous about coming to me with this information, the source, like so many of us drivers is tired of the smudges and wants them to stop.

The Cloud Industrial Complex is so large and complicated, but if we slowly disclose this information we can surely be free from what binds us to this earth.

These clouds want to keep raining down on us, it is big business for them after all. Plus, they get to take up all that real estate in the sky.

But, we should ask ourselves, do they really deserve to?

Cloud Industrial Complex

Only Happy When it Rains? Garbage!

I remember the first time I ever heard that the human body was made almost entirely of water. I was in 5th-grade science and we were covering biology. We had recently finished our study of photosynthesis and the concept of plant cells, which seemed pretty bogus too, in my opinion. Then our teacher said something crazy, she claimed that the body consisted of over 60% water. Water?! I couldn’t believe it.

I still don’t believe it. To this day, I am convinced that it’s a conspiracy formed by the clouds so they can just keep raining down on us.

Pretty sure the umbrella industry has something to do it with it too, but there hasn’t been any solid proof on that one yet.

You’ll die within three days of not drinking water? Hogwash.

The only good thing that’s come out of water is beer. I try to not even take showers because that’s a by-product of the cloud industry complex, and do we really even need to smell like flowers when we’re human beings who should smell like the mammals that we are?

Or maybe we aren’t mammals, but that’s a conspiracy for another day.

cloud2

I mean, just look at that? Is that something you really think is INSIDE of you?

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